Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Rules for Writers...

For the language purists among us...these "Rules for Writers:"

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary;
it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words
however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist
hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios
complicate simplistic matters.
And finally...
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Don't y'all feel smarter now that you've had this English lesson???


the donG said...

ill take note of this. ill save them in word file. thanks!

Sandy B & Dick said...

Oops, dong, this was mostly in fun...what we call 'tongue in cheek,' but there is a bit of truth in some of the statements:-) Your English is excellent...and I applaud your gift of speaking (at least) two languages!!!!!!!

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

i liked number 24 the best! that one really gets my goat! ha ha ha

smiles, bee

Kimberly and Bob said...

Where do you find this stuff??? You either have a lot of time on your hands or have some very witty people around you :)

Thanks for the grammar lesson - did we all sleep in English class?

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I tried to comment yesterday on these, but your site just wasn't having it.

You really do crack me up. This is a great list of not following what you preach. Bwahahahahahaha. Have a great day. :)